If you want to heal your relationship you will need to understand that for so many of us, the fear of money was established in early childhood, before you even had a vague concept of the value of money. You will need to avoid self-judgement, and have a gentle and compassionate approach to yourself and your financial affairs, so you can uncover your blocks and start shifting them. Your future financial security depends on it.
Take time to understand what your current relationship to money is.
Write your experience down.
• What is my story about money?
• Why am I perceiving or believing in lack?
• How does money motive me?
• What am I scared of losing?
“I’m only rich because I know when I’m wrong…I basically have survived by recognising my mistakes.”–George Soros
In the process of understanding your story, you may begin to realise that you have been holding on to a collection of myths, that do not serve you. Maybe you were told that you are irresponsible with money, that people have to work extremely hard to make a fair day’s wage, or maybe you were told that conscious and enlightened people shouldn’t care about money. These “truths” that we are raised to believe, sink into our subconscious and affect our decision-making.
Once you have a more clear understanding of where your false money narrative comes from you can start working on letting go of the limits beliefs you have that are stopping you from reaching your highest potential.
1. A scarcity mindset derives from a feeling of inadequacy. It is rooted in a lack of self-worth, that comes from persistent negative thought patterns; in this case around deserving wealth.
Our beliefs are informed by and built around our experiences and how we interpret those experiences. For example, you can be told a hundred times,
But if you are constantly struggling financially and don’t have a good story to tell yourself about why you are financially struggling; it’s easy for an unconscious narrative to form, that sounds like this:
“God provides— but just not for me!”
2. There is a strong rhetoric within society that says; wanting lots of money is greedy. Greed is bad and morally wrong. In the West we learn that greed is one of the 7 deadly sins, so it is easy to see why people associate wanting lots of money with being a bad person.
“Guard your selves against every kind of greed, because your true life is not made up of things you own, no matter how rich you maybe.”
“Some people are so poor, all they have is money.”
‘When one lives attached to money, pride or power
it is impossible to be truly happy.”— Pope Francis
The concepts around greed get embedded in our mind as a child; when the mind is impressionable and cannot logically question the reasoning behind the rhetoric. Thus an adult can have an unconsciously held belief, that beyond a certain arbitrary amount of money, is too much money. The explanation or what exactly is ‘wrong’ with money may vary, but those with a negative perception of money will be uncomfortable about crossing the invisible line.
“As long as greed is stronger than compassion there will always be suffering.”
“Money isn’t the root of all evil. Greed is!”
“Be careful what you wish for. Greed in the end is a lonely road.”
3. The ostrich mindset. Burying your head in the sand, because you fear facing the truth about your financial situation; too afraid to look at your bills or bank statements.
“What I don’t know won’t hurt me!” This is a classic case of not taking responsibility for yourself and means you are more likely to get into debt or have late charges on your bank cards or other bills, or as in my case have direct debits that you don’t know about.
“To make money you must give it attention on a daily or weekly basis”.
“Ignoring your finances will only hurt you.”
4. Miss placed anxiety. Many people tend to turn a blind eye to the real issues that are de-railing them financially. For instance, people can, fixate on the size of their debt or not having a pension-plan and then put this down to the source of their money stress, while ignoring the fact that they spend £400 a month buying lunch. They are not correctly identify the most realistic threat to their finical well-being. By not understanding your spending habits you are unable to see the truth of your financial situation.
5. To have money brings responsibilities and added stress; that can not be avoided. This coupled with a fear that you might then mismanage the money you do have, frequently incapacitates people into inaction. Your worries about the security of your money are to a degree justified, but you need to shift your focus from:“What If” to “What have I got in place to cope, should the worst happen?”
Focus your energy on what you can control, then all the things that you can’t control will have less of an impact if the worst should happen.
“For many men, the acquisition of wealth does not end their troubles,
it only changes them.”
6. The fear of achieving wealth can prevent you from reaching your full potential. This is when there is a warped fear of success, ie. “If you succeed, a precedent will have been set, one that you fear you will be expected to continue in the future, creating more pressure than you feel capable of handling. So you don’t reach beyond who you believe you are, and so you never achieve beyond the low standard you have set yourself.
The problem is that you are clinging to a certain level of success that ends up defining you. This fear is difficult to identify and comprehend. But in identifying it, you can learn to overcome it.